I MAKE LOVE TO SEALS AND WALRUSES

Don’t pretend like you’ve never fantasized about it…the sound of that sweet blubber going “thwappity thwap thwap” on the sand underneath your manhood.

See, a few years ago, I was on the set of Baywatch (episode #47, “Hobie’s First School Play”) and we were wrapping up a shoot at the aquarium in Santa Monica. Seeing all of those seals blowing on the horns got me real hot…and a huge bulge started to develop in my shorts. So, after the rest of the crew went home for the night, I snuck back in to the seal pen and put my horn at the end of the row for a blow.

Mama mia!!! At first the sardine juice stung a bit, but then it got me even more hot! Kind of like a bit of wasabi on my cucumber roll, if you know what I mean.

Think this is wrong? Don’t hassle the ‘Hoff!! I’ve got news for you…sailors have been making sweet love to pinnipeds (a.k.a. “mermaids”) for centuries. You haven’t lived until you have flogged a harbor seal while a dominant male walrus has his way with your posterior. The tusk marks on the back of my neck are way cooler than any tattoos you punks will ever get.

If the good Lord didn’t want us to make love to seals and walruses, he would have given them legs so they could run away.

you must be related to Daniel O Dukes. Hopefully you learn from his mistakes.