I’d like to let all of you know that every word of this is true. Next, i know it’s long, but without the proper introductions and setups, the fun would be lost.

-= The Best Fest Story Ever =-

Fest is always a fun time for me. I get to see some amazing bands, meet tons of new people, and drink... a lot. The first day of Fest was no different, I spent most of the day popping from venue to venue doing what i wanted to. That evening i was with my friend Adrianna at the Common Grounds Porch. I was polishing off another shot of Jamison and chasing it with a PBR.

Next to me was standing a group of people, I say hi and begin chatting. There were 4 of em, from (lets just say) Reno. Rick, Matt, Cherry, and Harriet (the names have been changed to protect the, i guess innocent, but as this story unfolds, innocence was far to be had). Rick, a nice guy, worked in video production, Matt, loved the drinking, Harriet kinda just hung out, and Cherry... yeah... Cherry.

Cherry was the one that caught my attention. Clearly the, i guess you could say, “bubbly” one in the group. She was pocket sized (about 5’1), blond, adorable, with a lip ring, i suppose she was 21, but totally could have been fresh out of high school. And far be it me not to notice, kinda stacked in the “chesty” department.

After a few minutes, Rick tells me that Cherry had JUST had a baby... like a month ago. I look over at Cherry, and eying her up and down, could not possibly figure out where a CHILD could have fit inside her. I of course called shenanigans, but they reassured me that it was in fact the case, and i let it slide. And after balancing that fact with her body shape, i suppose it explained some things.

And as all conversations, it ended. I left to another venue to finish my night, and they stayed for another round.

The next day, Saturday, was much like the first for me, band, talk, drink, band, drink, band. it was evening time, and i was making my way from Brophy’s to the Venue.. Walking down 2nd, I run into Rick. I say hi, and notice standing in the small group was also Cherry.

I of course acknowledge her standing there next to him, “Hi Cherry, how’s your day going?”

she looks at me inquisitively.
“How do I know you?”

“Um Last night at common grounds, we talked a b....”
I couldn't even get the words out before she jumped in

“Did we make out?”, point-of-fact asking me.

“Um, No...”

Again, cut off, she blurted out this gem: “Did i suck you off last night?”

My eyes widen.

I’m not totally sure how this conclusion would have entered her head or that it was possibly an option, but i suppose her evening was kinda clouded and judging by her friends straight faces looking to me for an answer, because, in their minds, yeah... this totally could have happened.

“Um, No.”

“oh, alright.” and turns back to her other friend.

At this point i just decide to ignore the train-wreck stage right and turn back to Rick. Chat. chat. chat, and i leave.

Continuing to The Venue, which was filled, i decide to head to the Atlantic. I see a friend of mine at the band door, sitting. I head over and talk for a while, and after about 30 minutes, i offer to get him a shot from inside.

Once inside the Atlantic, guess who in run into? the crew! Since i was getting a shot anyways, might as well offer one up to the visitors. I call Rick and Matt over and we all do a round, i excuse myself as i deliver the shot to my friend at the door.

I return to Rick, where we talk for an extended tome about his work and what i do, and the Fest in general, turning a few times to watch the band and get another beer. I notice out of the corner of my eye, Cherry, reaching inside her tank-top and massaging her breast.

Now, I've seen women adjust, but this was a full on 10 seconds worth of groping. I lift my hand up to in front of my face in order to avert my eyes from the show she was providing to most of the patrons near the Atlantic bar.

“Um, Cherry, are you alright?”

“No, they’re sore... and Harriet left my breast pump in the hotel”

Wow. alright. So, yeah true, she DID just have a baby, and her milk-filled boobies were now causing her some discomfort. Being an educated man, i know that that milk needs to get out to relieve the pain, and usually only the motion of a breast pump will do it. Massaging was helping, so she continued to do it. And I’m thinking, yeah, i got a funny Fest story. because, in my mind, this is pretty funny. I’m first mistaken for a blowjob recipient, and now the same girl is totally feeling herself up. Gold, right?

And as all conversations, this one ends, and i go back to watching the band. 15 minutes later, the band is over and the crowd disperses, and i turn back around to my friendly bartender, about to relay my cool-ish Fest story!

“Hey Cody, I got a great story for you! Guess what just happened to me...”

“Oh it cant be CLOSE to what just happened in the woman's bathroom”

“Alright, you first”, at this point I'm thinking my story has just been trumped, and i will have to dish up the story to someone else... a total glory thief.

“Get this, we just busted some girl breastfeeding some guy in the woman's bathroom floor”

Comically, i raise my hands to my mouth in excitement... “Oh My GOD, i totally know who it was!”

This was incredible, I’ve now got the best Fest story ever! ...so i thought. Shit wasn’t over. And I tell Cody my half and walk away from the bar. Band is on. Sip of beer, band, sip of beer, band, sip of bee... CHERRY!

There she was, standing next to me.

“Did you hear what happened?”

“Um, yeah.”

“I cant believe they busted me for that... It’s against the law for them to stop me from breastfeeding in public”

I didn't react. I just let the few seconds of silence loom in the air as my brain quickly formulated this:

Yeah, they totally cant stop you for breast feeding your kid, your KID, NOT some drunk guy on the middle of the Atlantic bathroom! This is not some fucking loophole you’re trying to jump through. This is pretty fucked up, who the hell does this? i mean find a goddamn stall or a go to a car, or back to the hotel, but some filthy ass bathroom floor and some fucking strange guy? you’re totally nuts.

but all i could get out was “yeah, that’s fucked up”

“yeah” and she waled away.

I have now gotten to what i think was the climax of the story... this cant get any more weird. but then i see Harriet.

“Hey Harriet, everything alright?”, knowing full well what just happened was far from alright.

“Yeah, did you hear what happened?”

“yeah, pretty messed up”

“Yeah, they totally cant stop her from doing that... I mean it wasn't really that bad, here, i have pictures”, as she holds up her camera.

PICTURES!??! HOLY SHIT! I turn to see the glowing image from her camera of Cherry, lying there on the floor, big smile on her face with the back of some guys head conveniently shielding his face and her exposed breast, laying in the fetal position in her arms. Yep no question he was doing it. And the next 5 pictures confirmed it. And during that i took a moment to notice that the Atlantic really has a nice woman's restroom... never would have thought it.

But now pics were in existence, and for the purpose of this story, I needed pics or it didn't happen. So, i ask if Harriet could send them to me. i gave her one of my cards and she promised to send them to me.

And at that moment, i felt a little creepy, so i asked her....

“Is it weird that i just asked you for those? I mean, it’s a picture of your friend breastfeeding some guy on the floor”

“nah, not really... it’s fine. Since it’s my sister and all.”

My mind was blown. So, Harriet took pictures of her little sister breast feeding some drunk guy on the floor of the woman's bathroom. Got it.

Back to the band. Sip of beer, band, sip, band, sip, and standing next to me was Matt. Their friend from earlier in the night, the one i took a shot with along with Cherry’s, (i guess) guy friend, Rick.

“Hey glyph. You heard what happened?”

“oh, hey Matt, yeah... kinda fucked up”

“Man, she was just in pain and uncomfortable... i just wanted to help”

O_O <-my face when i heard that

No seriously.... that’s about all i can say. I thought it was her guy or some random guy. but no... it was her friend Matt in the pictures.

And i realized, running the whole scenario through my head... Matt’s a really awesome friend. when the call was made, he stepped up and took one for the team... sucking the milk out of that titty, releasing the pressure, and helping his good friend Cherry.

Good for you Matt... good for you.

and that’s what i told him...

“Way to take one for the team.”

“Yeah, and I’m vegan... i don't even drink cows milk.”




<3 glypher

it only took a couple sentences into this story to realize I know exactly who your talking about
mainly because her breast milk was being passed around as we made breakfast burritos at my house Saturday morning

I heard Atlantic employees talking about this on Sunday. The full story is better than I ever expected. So did you get the pics or not?

great story, but it would have been better if Glyph had helped release the milk.

Get the pics yet?

I wonder if this is the same breast milk lady from last year! SHe pulled out one of her boobs in front of Durty Nellys and shot my friend in the face with it.

haha, these are good friends of mine and stayed with us all weekend. this was hilarious, i love the Fest. my friends are pretty awesome.

I'm sorry, THIS is the best Fest story. I can just imagine saying hello to some girl at a show and then BLAM face full of fresh human milk. I would never ever stop laughing.

The Atlantic does have a nice women's room.













......yeah that's all I got

I had to step around a girl breast feeding a guy on the Atlantic toilets floor when I went to pee but didn't think anything of it i was just busy thinking about whether OWTH were gonna play or not

How the hell did you manage to keep that to yourself!!???

I totally remember this from last year at Nelly's.

Apparently, it ain't a Fest until there's breast milk.

haha did you see this go down??

When I came out I just said 'theres a guy in there sucking a girls tit' haha so you might have not heard me